Running; 3 1/2 years later.
Today, I had that feeling. The little voice in the back of your head that tells you to make it a good day. Not the one that says it’s going to be a good day, but the one that puts the responsibility on you. That feeling has been lingering for a couple of days now, so i finally decided to do something about it. I laced up my shoes, did some quick stretching, and went for a jog.
I’m not sure if everyone who reads my blog understands the significance of running in my life. i used to run 60+ miles every week. I sometimes would go for a 6 or 7 mile run in the morning, and then again at night. It was my outlet for stress. It was my routine. I ran competitively, and just for my own sake. That being said, I haven’t ran on a consistent basis for 3 1/2 years.
The different ways that my stroke has affected me are very, very obvious to me. My handwriting is different. My speech isn’t as fluid. I’m clumsier than i used to be. But i always notice just how much my stroke has played a role in changing who i am when i’m lacing up my running shoes. My ankle has yet to fully recover, so after i’m jogging for a quarter mile or so, it starts to lag behind, dragging on the ground as i run. So for now, I have to keep my jogging to 1/4 mile intervals, until my ankle gets stronger. I can’t quite describe the amount of frustration that this gives me, making me stop and walk right as i am finding a groove. and i can be my own worst enemy too, because frustration isn’t going to help the situation any. Its just gonna piss me off, and make me run less and less often. this is why i needed that little voice in the back of my head this morning.
Its not up to some magical force that will one day allow me to run. Im not gonna wake up one day and have my handwriting be better, or speech perfectly fluid, or be graceful. Im not gonna lace up my running shoes and go for a 6 mile run. At least not without a little effort. Scratch that, a TON of effort. i can’t expect things to fall in place. i was fortunate enough to be an extremely talented and gifted person for the first 22 years of my life, so what if i have to work extra hard at these things now? Its all worth it. I hope that little voice in the back of my head sticks around for a while, so i can get through the frustrating difficult part, but ultimately, its up to me.
Make it a great day.
b
Thank you for paying attention to that voice. Thank you for writing about it. It was just what I needed to read today. Keep on keepin on, Brett. And thank you again..I am going to go for a hike now!
Binky - February 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm |
I’m proud of you, Brett. I hope you’ll keep pushing yourself through your frustrations. Whenever I’m doing something that is physically hard for me and I want to quit, I think back to watching you walk down the hall at University Hospital, still hooked up to your IVs, only 10 days after your brain surgery. I saw the determination on your face as you slowly put one foot in front of the other, and the admiration on the faces of those watching you and silently cheering you on. That determination is still inside of you, that stubborness to accomplish what is most important to you. You are an inspiration to me just like you were to Grandpa Louie. I know that you will get to where you want to be. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.
Laurie - February 13, 2011 at 1:47 pm |
You have been, and continue to be a extremely gifted and talented person. You are an inspiration to all of us with what you have accomplished and the challenges you have faced. There are no doubts about you accomplishing whatever you set your mind to do. So go after what you want and enjoy the journey!! I have been, and will always be proud of you!
Dad - February 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm |